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What does a woman do with her asshole before sex? -Lee Trevino Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Hilarious Golf Jokes That Will Have You Laughing on the Course | RD.ca Watch their eyes. "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.". 45 Dirty Jokes To Make You Laugh - PsyCat Games The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. 1. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. The 18 Best Golf Movies You Need To Watch In 2023, Top 14 Golf Podcasts You Should Listen To (Updated 2023), 7 Left Handed Golf Tips To Crush The Competition, 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation, Practicing Golf At Home: 10 Tricks To Improve Your Game. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". What are a golfers favorite flowers? 150 Hilarious Golf Jokes And Puns 'Fore' Everyone When hes not on the green, you can find him wishing that he was Fortunately hes happy tojust chat about it here until the next time. Jack Lemmon is probably remembered best for his roles in The Odd Couple and The Apartment. Its not just enough to swing at the ball. I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. Your fifth putt. Lighten up, golf is just a game after all. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt. Discover the views of a person who feels the same way we do. Beyond this, the comedian and violinist (an epic combination) made the above joke about golf. 21 FUNNIEST Golf Jokes 2023 (with Puts and Puns) - Jokes Quotes Factory 22. You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. Lee Trevino. I love the contrast between the agony of a golfer bleeding out and the ecstasy of a moment of creative genius. From the best players to ever pick up a club to past presidents of the United States, the game of golf is the great equalizer. You hit down to make the ball go up. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines; Dirty Music Pick Up Lines; Dirty Holiday Pick Up Lines; 63 Archery Pick Up Lines for Bows & Arrows, 23 Table Tennis / Ping Pong Pick Up Lines, 79 Marching Band and Color Guard Pick Up Lines. If you break 80, watch your business. There is no such thing as a natural touch. Golf Club Distance & Driving Distances for Women Golfers, Providing a Community & Womens Golf Resources, How to Build Consistency in Your Golf Game, Golf is Hard. The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. Jay Griffiths, Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. About 160 yards was his reply. Just ask my ex -wives. Two men were playing a round golf, one of the men was just about to make his golf swing when he noticed a large funeral group passing by on a nearby road. Golf turns outdoors into indoors, a prefab mat of stultified grass, processed, pesticided, herbicided, the pseudo-green of formica sterilityThe enemy of wildness, it is a demonstration of the absolute dominion of man over wild nature. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. Think the shot through in advance before you address the ball. Brent Musberger, If you break 100, watch your golf. Top 10+ Funny Dirty Golf Pictures I just got a call my wife has had a life threatening car accident and Im worried I might not make it.. THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED, DISTRIBUTED, TRANSMITTED, CACHED OR OTHERWISE USED, EXCEPT WITH THE PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. 2023 DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes, 17 Awful (But Mostly Funny) Golf Fails from 2013, This new Top Flite commercial is sophomoric, inappropriate, and very funny. He went up to her, talked to her, and convinced her to come back to his hotel room for the night. I play Bass. How many strokes was that? Repeat until the ball is in the hole. "I was married to her for 35 years." 2. Joe Posnanski, Over the years, Ive studied the habits of golfers. Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time. Joe Tessitore, The least thing upset him on the links. 69 Best Dirty Quotes For Him | Her | Kinky | Funny | Sayings - TryTutorial Most Funny Golf Quotes about Daylight by Ben Hogan Funny Dirty Golf Pictures With Quotes. -Bobby Jones Geoff Shackelford, Golf sits in that beautiful junction between perfection and frustration. He hauls off and whacks onebig hitter, the Lamalong, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Why didnt the golfer finish his homework? I'm a bit tired so how about we just play your backside tonight? If you want to share these funny golf quotes pictures on social media like Fb, Insta, WhatsApp, or Twitter, you can also do that. Why are computers such naturally good golfers? The means are as important as the ends. People may find dirty jokes shocking or disgusting, but no one can deny they're funny as hell! Learn More. They dont have the heart for it. Laugh more: Amusing Jokes To Tell Your Friends, What do you call a lion playing golf? So, I'm on the first tee with him. I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1. Golf Quotes (131 quotes) - Goodreads 7. Required fields are marked *. There are no time constraints, as there are in other sports. So that you can share them back, with the whole world. A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. You want some dirty golfing jokes, we got them for you. Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. Full Text: Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? In a way, this quote is a stand-in for the entire volume of comedic wit and great golf quotes in Caddyshack. When your golf cart capsizes. If you dont take it seriously, its no fun, if you do, it breaks your heart. Andy. I have 10 sons, one more and I will have my own football team., To which the Mormon replies, You fellas aint got a clue. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. See you in the Email! Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: az11107, jemallor, 21ob, dudedudester1, racke78, mcsheehy54, konczalangelia, fourq2. Sir W.G. By stragetically placing fire hydrants. I'm Tiger Woods. Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing youre a bad golfer. A two-foot putt to win a bet or a tournament or a Masters is another thing entirely. Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you. Arnold Palmer, 65. Funny Jokes - Dirty Golf Sayings Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls." "If everything was given to you, it wouldn't feel as good when you achieve it." Annika Sorenstam 24. Boo who? See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. Or on top." "I have lovemaking with you a lot in my head." "Let's have a 'who's better in b3d' contest. Harry Vardon, There is no movement in golf that cannot be made more difficult through diligent study and practice. Bobby Jones, Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! I have 17 wives, one more and I will have a golf course!. What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer? 19th Hole Bonus Quote: While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. 8. Fear shows up when there is an enlargement of the pupils. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world." "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? What is a golfers favorite bird? Palmer calmly said, What the hell do you want it to back up for?. Get in the hole! You will find the quotes being used everywhere, coming from ordinary people like us, who are just famous. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. After 18 holes I can barely walk. Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. So, what are your thoughts? Joey Adams, A well-hit golf shot is a feeling that goes up the shaft, right through your hands, and into your heart. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. You shot an eight. Kurt Philip Behm, The reason they call it golf is that all the other 4 letter words were used up. What is the difference between Rory McIlroy and Princess Diana? My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. QuotesGram And it's damn funny. Big pupils lead to big scores. It can be difficult. Well, what can you really say about the great Chi Chi Rodriguez's quote? Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. How Long Does It Take to Play 18 Holes of Golf? "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance." Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. After several minutes of pondering how to hit the shot, the old man says, You know, when I was your age, Id hit the ball right over that tree. With the challenge before him, the young man swings hard, hits the ball, watches it fly into the branches, rattle around, and land with a thud a foot from where it had started. Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? This position should feel sort of unnatural and should permit you to hook the ball without altering your golf swing. Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan, 56. Dont break your heart, but flirt with the possibility. Louise Suggs, 8. 3 of 10. 4. It keeps you young. Patty Berg, 29. And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. Clubbing. Here, have a carrot! His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. Whats the shortest distance between the tee and the hole? I stepped on a rake. George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? Check out these hilarious jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. Because subtraction speaks louder than words. Why didnt the golfer get his homework done? Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join? ", Hey, were you just promoted from Army captain because I'm always up for getting another major? 75 Hilarious Golf Puns and One-Liners That Don't Suck Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15. Therefore weve combined it together and compiled these hilarious Golf Jokes for Seniors that Im sure youll like. When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. The threesome were curious what was going on. We share them in our weekly newsletter. 19+ Best Dirty Medical Pick Up Lines - Best Jokes and Puns Golfs a game where you shout, FOUR! and score a seven, while writing down a five. 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. "Damn, my shaft is all bent." How about grabbing two of your friends so we can play a foursome? 20 Funny Golf Sayings and Inspirational Golf Quotes To find a man's true character, play golf with him. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. A smart shot is when you dont have the guts to try it. Phil Mickelson, 4. Im a friend and all Im going to do is give it a nice little ride. Sam Snead, 35. Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. She lined the ball up carefully and confidently stroked the winning putt. 3. The friend is quite amazed: That dog is really talented! Because I'm going to come after you aggressively and probably leave a ball mark. Thats how long a Scotsman takes to finish a bottle of Scotch! The smile looks really good on you. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, Its golf balls., The blond looked at him compassionately and said: Oh you poor thing. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. From the moment I saw you, I've had a vertical shaft angle. Their fore-fathers! When is it too wet to play golf? A great golf course both frees and challenges a golfers mind. Tom Watson, 7. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls. A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. Please add a link to this site. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); "Golf is my profession. Because all the other four letter words were taken. He's the one getting his balls cleaned. My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life. What kind of model is Paige Spiranac? How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? Theres no sense in going to a tournament if you dont believe that you can win it. Tiger Woods, 20. 47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving. I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. I told my coach I got a new set of clubs for my wife. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. I'm pretty good with my short putts. Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron. It took one afternoon on the golf course. Hank Aaron, owner of 755 home runs and one amazing golf quote. How about you bring two of your friends and we play a foursome? It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. You swing left and the ball goes right. Because he thought every day he needed to play around. 2023, 35 BEST Lionel Leo Messi Quotes (About Life, Work, and Football That Will Inspire You), 53 Cristiano Ronaldo Motivational Quotes (About Football, Hard Work, Life, and Family), Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly. Funny Family Poems. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." Funny Golf Quotes You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do. Whats one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? ~ George Bernard Shaw. 1. Ellis Parker Butler, Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Although worried this will slow him up, the younger man says, Of course. To his surprise, the old man plays quickly. I bet that hurts a whole lot worse than tennis elbow?. Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He said. Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. A great shot is when you pull it off. If we weren't, we'd take up a less infuriating hobby, like knitting. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton, 63. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. Guys will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf ball. Dont even putt. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? Whats the best quality in a golf partner? Nothing. In the morning, the woman woke up and arose from bed. 100 Great Golf Quotes All Keen Golfers Need To Read | Kidadl Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. Wodehouse, The value of routine; trusting your swing. A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. One fine day, John and Don are out golfing when John slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. 65 Best Golf Quotes for Inspiration and Motivation A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. Do you share these funny golf jokes? The actor's quote relays an essential truth: Even the most mild-mannered golfer tends to lose his head when he sees or suspects someone else has hit or picked up his golf ball. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines. A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. Are you a water hazard? If everything was given to you, it wouldnt feel as good when you achieve it. Annika Sorenstam, 24. In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. Dean Martin, He loved the game. Drops him off at the golf course! What does masturbation and 4 putting have in common? The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Hit the ball. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." 157 Good Golf Quotes For You To Tee Up and Swing Away Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Full Text: And yet another day has passed and I did not use algebra once. Golf Quotes About Life 22. - Bobby Jones I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe. Go Premium to get full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. You made an 11 on a Par 3 hole? First and foremost, you must have confidence. On a golf course, nature is neutered. You are signed up for our newsletter! In case he gets a hole in one. Your email address will not be published. Why do golfers hate cake? The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. So what are you waiting for? Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play where it lies." Bobby Jones 23. Like a PGA Tour pro once said to his pro-am partners, youre not good enough to get angry. So dont even try it. G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. Hi there! 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. Whats a golfers favorite nightlife activity? Find the ball. How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? I know what to look for. I like big putts and I cannot lie. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. 2023 Lynn on the Links, LLC All Rights Reserved. I give him the driver. Putter Around. -Happy Gilmore. document.getElementById("copyright_year").innerHTML = new Date().getFullYear(); We do our best to represent colors accurately, but viewing screens vary from one to another, and from real life. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. Why don't golfers ever eat pie? Bruce Lansky, Author. Always keep learning. Golf?! I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. 21+ Best Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines - Best Jokes and Puns 1. "I'm in my bed you're in your bed ". H. G. Wells, The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. You'll get wet outside and inside with these sexy quotes. 21. After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. Because her coach was a pumpkin. Try choking donw on the shaft. Her husband thought that this was a riot and laughing said, Right train, wrong ticket., The wife failed to see the humor and not cracking a smile replied, No sleeper cars on that train either, Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. Missed the ball and sank the divot. One minute youre bleeding. Golf is a game that is special and unique in that there is always something to learn. But you cant just forget not to think. I hope you can use them for your game and as inspiration. 5. All he knows how to play with is Clubs! If you break 80, watch your business.". How the heck did that happen? I chipped in from the rough! the flag cant jump. "Gunga galunga gunga, gunga-galunga." 2. Drop some in the comments! Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon are having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention. I smile at obstacles. Tiger Woods, 13. Don't worry to do dirty jobs. "I'll kiss you on the rain so you get twice as wet". 8. Golfing is a lot like masturbation. Golf tips are like Aspirin: One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle youll be lucky to survive. Harvey Penick, 17. Dirty Golf Sayings. 2. I like big putts and I cannot lie. The pressure originates in yourself; it builds from doubts. Play golf. A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks. Gary Player, 53. What did the duck say to the golf ball? You okay with that? If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the Whos there? Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional Full Text: My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. The little ball that sat motionless, defying you to hit it. I figured my local caddy knew this course a whole lot better than me, so I just put my hand out and played whatever club he put in it. Clubbing. What's the difference between a golfball and a Nissan? Man: "Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass." A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. Whos there? Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. Who taught Elin Nordegren to swing a golf club? 13 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes On the Green In Two. Please read here for more information. These funny golf quotes and images coming from famous wise people are the most precious words worth sharing. What is the difference between a fisherman and a golfer? It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it. John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? What does he do if you miss a putt?, Friend: Somersaults? You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. P.G. 3. He said. You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. Golf is a puzzle without an answer. Enjoy! You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will Ben Hogan, Golf has some drawbacks. Golf is about how well you accept, respond to, and score with your misses much more so than it is a game of your perfect shots. Dr. Bob Rotella, 64. The right place is right here with me, in my bed. I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. For true success, it matters what our goals are. The lowest score wins. My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! Wash your balls. Sick of the same tired old golf puns and gags? I never prayed that I would make a putt. Ive played the game for 50 years and I still havent the slightest idea of how to play. Gary Player, 39. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. Phyllis Diller, with her outrageous teased hair and housewife caricature stage persona, was a master of delivery and comedic timing.